I sometimes wonder how my life would have turned out if none of this had happened. If I had gone to work that Friday in 2010 and come home as normal.

I do feel that going through a life-changing trauma in my 20’s afforded me some unsolicited wisdom and perspective that I wouldn’t have gotten any other way.

My husband and I spent almost 11 weeks dreaming about a future with our baby. We went to baby stores and looked at prams and car seats. Talked about names for hours, writing lists of name possibilities and laughing at the prospects of inappropriate nicknames. We put aside baby clothes, held my non-existent belly and smiled together. We became closer as a couple as we embarked on this new journey - it was beautiful.

It’s been 365 days since I’ve had a drop of alcohol.

This morning my husband asked me “How does it feel?”. I looked at him and pondered before I answered. I tried to remember the day that I checked into the Psychiatric Hospital in 2020, but my memory failed me. I know that my suitcase was searched, but I could only see fragmented glimpses of that in my mind.

“It feels normal. I don’t remember what it’s like to be that person. I don’t remember what it’s like to drink everyday.” I finally replied.

I’ve been seeing others talk about their sobriety and how they no longer drink alcohol, which I absolutely applaud, as it sets such a great example to society. It also happened a lot after I got discharged from hospital and people would hear my story and respond with telling me how long they had been sober for, because it was better for their health or they wanted to do more with their lives… it’s just not the same thing!

Dealing with trauma is painful. There is no other way to reflect on this other than to acknowledge that the trauma we experience can be the most painful experiences that we can ever feel. It could be the loss of a loved one, being hurt by someone, a sudden illness or injury - there are so many forms of trauma. But what often remains the same is that there is a tremendous amount of pain felt.

The thing with trauma, is that it can feel like the pain will never go away, and we need to validate that this pain isn’t something that you need to just get over or move on from. However, the way we think about things need to change in order to be able to continue living life.

Over the last 6 months I’ve been on a personal journey of self re-discovery. I have completely gutted my life and in some ways started from scratch. As I write this, I’m still on my journey - it’s been horribly confronting and challenging to say the least. But even still, I know the rewards will be worth it.

Over the last few days I’ve been feeling an overwhelming urge to run away. 

Truth is I’ve never “run away”, and wouldn’t even know where to start. But as I learn more and more about the universe, the more I want to turn my back on everything. 

It’s been over 8 years since my world was turned upside down. And as I look back on that traumatic time in my life, I can say I’m utterly grateful for the experience.

Yes, mental illness can co-exist in the workplace.

I’ve recently spoken to so many people (both men and women) who have been diagnosed with a mental illness and/or disorder who hide or are terrified of revealing it to their employer as they are scared they may lose their job. I’ve even heard a case where someone told their employer about a mental illness. This person is now being discriminated against, in terms or the way they are treated in the workplace.

I've always felt like I've had a story to tell. I've always loved reading, writing and ultimately words. I've always been that person that writes long handwritten notes, intensely personalised birthday cards, poems for special occasions and text messages that might as well have been novels. But what I never realised was that the story worth telling, the story that would reach people most, was my story.

After surviving brain trauma, and ultimately facing death I realised that even though I was this “go-getter” in my professional life, that many people weren’t naturally like this. I accept that some people are just like that and enjoy being comfortable, and having a job that simply pays the bills - and that’s OK. But I realised that I am not happy to stay within the lines, I am an ambitious woman!